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(Mostly) Comical observations from an Aussie Girl who watches too much TV

Excerpt from Bland Canyon Blog

Suddenly the plinky-plonk strings music strikes up, suggesting something QUIRKY is afoot. It must be time for...

TEST THREE: Not going psycho at a restaurant

Hey, women be crazy, right?

Especially when other women get all up in their guy's business, am I right?

Cos chicks be like super jealous of other attractive women, yo?


"The waitress at the restaurant is actually an actress, and I don't know what she's going to throw at us," saysSam.

Napkins, apparently. Got Jacinda right in the head.

Naturally this cute, blonde waitress starts flirting with Sam over lunch, making little jokes and even mopping up a spilled drink from his crotch.

Hey Bro! is the first to crack.


"It clearly aggravated her, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that," Sam says. SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE TEST THEN? Jacinda and Bec just laugh it off, but considering Sam doesn't seem to give a toss either way they could have leaned over the table and stabbed her in the eyes with a dessert spoon, it wouldn't have made a difference. The waitress then brings out their lunch - a salad of fried crickets. "It literally looked like a cricket but just fried," says Hey Bro!, showing off the descriptive talents for which she is renowned.

She'll be returning later in the year to host Masterchef.

Other courses at the worst restaurant in the world include barbecued chicken feet and marinated duck chin, which everyone pretends to eat while swigging lots of wine. "I knew at that point that this was a bit of a test," says Bec, as everyone within a five kilometre radius slaps their head and shouts "DUH". Anyway they all try the food, no one acts like a diva, no one flips a table, Bill Murray never shows up and the entire thing is deadly dull. The true winner of the day is feminism. Doobly doo music, wavy lines, more doobly doo music, more wavy lines... and it's later on at the Shag Mansion, where Bec is describing her totally unique and original date to the other bachelorettes. "We got a flat tyre! And the waitress was really flirty! And we ate crickets!" she gushes.

"Oh my god, it's like something out of a TV show!"

Just then in walks Jacinda. "You have no idea what's happened!" she exclaims.

"Let me guess: flat tyre, flirty waitress, cricket salad?"

Sensing they may have been swindled, Jacinda and Bec break down their entire date, piece by piece, trying to work out what's happened. "We pieced it together pretty quickly," Jacinda says, after going through 16 sheets of butcher's paper, four highlighter pens and about 45 minutes.

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